THE BRING BACK ABBOTT CAMPAIGN

London 2012? Hold your horses. Yes to AV in Libya? Put it on ice. Because the Bring Back Abbott Campaign starts here and now!

I can’t believe that I’ve just written what I’ve just written, and that I’m about to write what I’m about to write. I’m reminded of the time when Currer feebly submitted to Facebook – and all for the noble cause of lecherous self-promotion. But hey, Currer’s now getting 50 hits a day, so all that soul flogging’s been worth it in the end.

Anyway, without compromising Currer’s characteristic pithiness, the following confession can’t be put off any longer: I, Currer C Ball, entreat the BBC to reinstate Diane Abbott to the This Week sofa, stat.

There. I’ve said it. No! Don’t go! Hear me out! I, Currer C Ball, entreat you!

I know that the above pronouncement, and the accompanying campaign and ensuing Facebook page, risks alienating at least half of Currer’s readership. All 25 of you. Because I’m guilty of Abbott-like hypocrisy, aren’t I? After all, I’ve been hypercritical of her in the past.

But I’d only be guilty of hypocrisy if I went back on anything that I’d said before. Everything that I’ve written about Abbott – her duplicity, racism, and decidedly dodgy political punditry (follow the link for gory details: http://thecurrerball.wordpress.com/2010/07/13/333) – all of it still stands. I renounce none of it.

So, why on earth do I want Abbott back on the This Week sofa?

To suspend the tension, first a quick tangent: it’s funny how a purple couch works swimmingly on This Week, while it’s forever been a source of ridicule on 5 News. ‘Exclusive! Explosive! 6 dead in Basra bomb, but don’t worry ‘cause I’m as comfy as hell! . . . Time for the ads now, but when we come back, the very latest on that fatal shooting in Chiswick – brought to you from the appropriately horizontal position.’ Funny how sofa-style newscasting never caught on.

Now back to Abbott. Why do I want the Hackney North and Stoke Newington MP returned to BBC1, Thursday nights, 11.35pm? Because ever since she traded in the purple couch for the front bench, This Week just hasn’t been the same. Believe me, I’ve tossed and turned over this one, but Currer’s utilitarian man enough to swallow some pride for the benefit of the viewing public (I just wished that the controller of BBC3 felt the same).

Without Abbott, whose arguments is Andrew Neil going to tear to pieces each and every week? Who’s there to make Michael Portillo’s nose look small? And who else’s capable of playing coquette to Portillo’s Ralph Laurened josher? In recent This Weeks, Jacqui ‘masturbate-gate’ Smith and Charles Clarke have both tried and failed . . . and then been invited back! This has to stop!

What’s more, a source close to Currer tells me that it was the Government that lobbied the BBC to get Abbott taken off the air (something about how her Shadow Cabinet position, because she’s now in the thick of frontline political combat, compromises her position as impartial pundit, thus breaking the BBC’s code of neutrality). Thanks a lot, Government! Not content with cutting everything (except your own payroll, of course), you’ve now gone and wrecked the best show on telly. And here’s me thinking that 2 million viewers, united every Thursday night, watching and Tweeting and laughing at Abbott’s awful analysis/propensity to peer at the This Week studio ceiling, constituted an inspiring expression of The Big Society in action.

So if it’s going to take et tu Ed Miliband sacking Abbott from his Shadow Health Team for the BBC to have her back, then that’s a price that I’m prepared to pay, and from which British politics can ultimately resolve to recover.

Because when it comes to This Week, it’s all about the unique, the complex, the extraordinary, and irreplaceable: Diane.

To join the Bring Back Abbott Campaign, please sign the petition by leaving your name and where you’re from in the comments box below.